Where do I start with choosing funeral flowers?

by Jacqueline Davis, Jackie Davis Flowers, Leeds.

A basket filled with purple stocks, peonies and foxgloves reflects the late spring season.

The period following a bereavement is full of decisions: When and where will the funeral be? Should we choose a cremation or a burial? How many copies of the death certificates are needed? Who do I need to notify? It is no surprise that choosing flowers for a funeral may be way down your list and the easiest thing is often to go with the Funeral Directors choice of florist and to choose from the range of traditional floral foam based funeral tributes which are most commonly offered and perceived as the norm for funeral flowers. 

When my own Mum died, I remember only too well the constant flow of decisions which bombarded me. I was lucky in the fact that Mum knew she was terminally ill and had decided herself on the flowers she wanted. She was a regular at her local florist and they made the most beautiful double ended, very natural coffin spray in whites and blues. They used delphiniums and as many British grown flowers as possible and I remember looking at the flowers on the coffin and thinking how Mum would have loved those flowers. 

But many people don't get the chance to prepare. Bereavement can be unexpected and sudden and maybe you have not had the chance to discuss funeral arrangements. It's at this point when your florist is a key person in helping you to navigate choosing funeral flowers. Some florists prefer to work with seasonal flowers and in doing that, ensure that the arrangement will be in keeping with the time of year. Peonies in November would never look right, but the beautiful russets, reds and golds of Autumn will. Some florists will also use imported blooms to source flowers that are significant for you, or which offer the colours you’ve requested.

So if you’re feeling stuck and overwhelmed at the prospect of choosing farewell flowers, this is the time when a skilled and sensitive florist can help as we know what flowers and foliage work well together, and also what’s likely to be available at the time of the funeral.

When I’m having discussions about funeral flowers with clients, I find it really useful to ask if the person who has died had a favourite colour, if they liked any particular flowers or what they liked to grow in their garden. Asking about the life and personality of the person is also really helpful: Were they quiet or more of an extrovert? What sort of clothes did they like - brighter colours or more muted palettes? Did they have a favourite scent? Can we mark a place which meant a lot to them with a flower or foliage that’s associated with it? Did they have any interests which would give us something to decorate with flowers or inspire our flower choices?

Getting a picture of the person helps us enormously. The greatest compliment that a florist can receive is that the flowers totally reflected the person. If I was doing some funeral flowers for someone who was very quiet and reserved I might choose simple, classic whites and greens. For someone who was more extrovert I might choose bright oranges, yellows and a touch of red. The size and simplicity/extravagance of the arrangement you choose might also be part of reflecting a personality: you’ll know if a simple sheaf arrangement or an effusive and abundant casket spray bursting with bright flowers feels ‘right’. Consider also how important flowers are to you or to the person who has died - would you like flowers to decorate a church or to soften the crematorium, or do you simply need flowers to place on the coffin? There’s no right or wrong answer to these questions and you are the person who’s best placed to judge what’s most fitting. Arrangements that can be taken apart are also a lovely touch and a memory that can be taken home. 

As funeral florists, it’s our role to help you navigate the stormy waters of planning the funeral and to ensure that you get flowers that you’ll love. Farewell flowers, especially those on the coffin will be a focus at the funeral, a reminder of a special person and what they loved. Perhaps it's time to slow down the expectation of having to make decisions quickly. As florists who often work with people who’ve been bereaved, we understand that you’re grieving and need a little time to choose your florist - especially if you’re looking for flowers that are natural, seasonal and respect the environment to create a beautiful tribute for this important final farewell.

Yorkshire florist, Jackie Davis is based in Methley, Leeds..

The Farewell Flowers Directory is here to help you find funeral flowers to remember and which tread kindly on the planet.

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